When charity destroys dignity
I’m borrowing the title for my blog post from a well-known book: When Charity destroys Dignity – Glenn Schwartz. Although my post will be very different from the tone of the book (I read it and found it overbearing and difficult to process, but the title is certainly very striking and appropriate).
My husband and I work with a group of impoverished people in the Garden Route. These people are from all walks of life, and have one thing in common – poverty. Every day is a struggle for basic needs. Things we take for granted. Money for prepaid electricity, where the next meal comes from, warmth in winter and shelter at all times.
Our organisation is called Heavenly Haven, and we have a fairly updated facebook page: www.facebook.com/havenheavenly. We post regular updates on what we do and what we need. And daily we are confronted by an overwhelming awareness that what we are doing isn’t even minimising the tip of the iceberg.
We love doing what we do, and we love seeing the smiles on especially the children’s faces when we arrive with food, clothes, toys – things that children should have.
And this brings me to the topic of this blog. One of my moms contacted me about her own father. He is in his late fifties, and he sleeps on a collection of crates in a small boarded room. She washes his clothes, and see his underwear crumble to rags in her hands. Her appeal to me was shy and tentative – she didn’t know how to ask.
I was asked for nappies by a mom who has a 2-month old baby. Again – not a demand. A shy appeal for help for her child.
A grandmother approached us and asked if we could help her with a set of teeth – she has a toothless, friendly smile. And again – it took her weeks to get the courage together to ask.
Our impoverished families have another trait in common – pride. These are ordinary people, with ordinary lives. They have ordinary needs, and are not used to asking for and accepting help. Often, especially our older people, they will rather starve than ask for food.
We must reach out in a loving way that preserves the dignity of people less fortunate than us. Our approach cannot be higher-handed or “know-it-all”. We must change our thinking so that our approach is almost from a heart who is blessed with the opportunity to be of service.
Heavenly Haven has many needs. We cannot look after our families on our own. We need food, we need clothes, we need willing hands to help, but above all, we need humble hearts who want to give with love.